Post 3: Father's Day Is Coming...

Okay I'm just going to start out by telling you why I despise father's day...

I don't have a father.

Well okay technically everyone has a father but mine does not exist in my life, there for I shall treat him as a past tense although he is still very much alive.

J; My birth father, ditched out when I was 3, makes horrible promises he can't keep, oh and did I mention he used to physically abuse my mother? Well he did. And he hasn't paid child support since the day he skipped out of town.

D; Second father, raised from when I was 3 until now...too bad he is no longer legally anything in my life anymore since January. It took him ten years until he actually started showing affection towards me. He too, just like J, makes promises he doesn't want to nor has to keep. The last day he lived in my home he told me I would always be his daughter...yeah right. He also told me not to bother showing my face at his mother's Thanksgiving party.

P; My newes daddy and I must say although he's been in my life for only 9 months, he's the only real father I've had in my life besides my grandfather. I remember the first time I saw him, my mom was late to my volleyball tournament and when she did finally show her face, he came along. "Oh he just wants to see you play!" Oh really mother? What grown man would take time out of his day to watch a highschool volleyball game unless he was getting laid. I was beyond pissed. No words could describe my feelings. But what can I say? He grew on me. We are so alike it's scary and he gives me anything my little heart desires. He kisses me on the forehead every morning while I'm asleep and he's leaving for work, hell he even says "I Love You" over the phone, I didn't even start telling my own mother that until I was atleast 13.




But anyways, enough about my past. The truth is, I've never liked father's day because I never saw myself having a father which sucks because when you go to friend's houses and their father does those little "daddy and daughter" things, you feel isolated, or as if you were missing out on something, because you yourself have never felt those feelings before.

So this father's day I want you to do something alright?

If you have a father, tell the man you love him, for I will never tell my father that.

If you don't, remember your not the only one going through the problem if you have a step dad you hate, things will I get better I promise, D I hated for most of the time he was in my life and I figured he'd never leave but what do you know? Fate steps in. If you have a setp father you adore, feel thankful. And if you have no father figure in your life, I'm so very sorry because I know what it feels like, and the feeling fucking sucks. But do remember you'll always have the woman that also 50% brought you into this world.



Much Love & Have A Safe Father's day,
Smalltowngirl♥

Entry 2: The Past Sucks

So, not to long ago I met a guy who is sweet, funny, and caring. And that was after spending an hour with him. Too bad for me, my friend was already "dating" him although they weren't officially. Now I could've thrown myself all over him, I could've been totally inconsierate of my own friend's feeling...but I'm not that kind of person.

So I stood by and did nothing, and this occured in March. It is now mid-June, three-ish months later, and guess what? That friend has totally erased me from her life. Why? I have no idea.

But what I want to know is, should I have just thrown myself all over him?
She doesn't talk to me now. But, we aren't enemies, just more like people that drop a one sentence conversation every once in a while.

So was it worth it? I could've possibly had this guy in my life right now but I stepped by and he is now in fact dating the girl that was my friend.





Now like I said, I could've done a lot of things...but I in fact feel sorry for my old friend.

Because I checked his myspace.

Where his top friends contains more than one girlfriend.




"The most decisive actions of our life ... are most often unconsidered actions."




-Smalltowngirl♥

Entry 1: Welcome To My Life

Writing is a large part of my life, I've written everything from poems to autobiographies. The funny thing is, I've never blogged. Why? I'm too busy, I'm too young, I don't think anyone would bother reading, blah...blah...blah.

No, I just really never thought of it. If your reading this, my only thought is why?

This blog will be my life and what happens in my days you may find it surprisingly like yours, or totally different. I am not giving away any information about myself except that I am a girl, and I'm a high school student.

The people involved in my life will be with the first letter of their name such as, John would be J, it's just for their own personal privacy.

XX___XX___XX___XX___XX

So it's summer vacation. Partyyy right? Err wrong. My friends are all out doing drugs and you'd think hey why am I not? I probably would be weeks ago but I'm a volleyball player and I decided quitting smoking weed, cigarettes, prime times, the whole shebang, my lungs wouldn't be able to stand up for sports if I continued.

Is it wrong to dismiss your friends from your life if their doing choices that are hurtful to you?

Loneliness is something I'm starting to feel. My summer is already planned for me and I left school with a 1.8 GPA. My grades dropped courtesy of weed, and it opened my eyes. Grades are important. After my mother's second divorce/third marriage, I lost my health insurance. I got sick, my parents considered swine flu but I called from day 1 bronchitis. I started getting sick in the beginning of April, and my cough is almost gone now, June. I stood in line in the worst part of town, with people that don't have a dollar to their name, to get medicine. That was the second thing to open my eyes. School is important, education is important. And while my friends are out getting high, I'm here at home, listening to the thunder boom outside.

--SmalltownGirl♥